Events, rallies, tambayans, people, performing, education, pride—these are the things I truly miss in the premiere state university. I miss them so badly that I almost feel that something in me has gone astray. So I would want to find my way back and take pleasure again in the things I am currently pining for. But I have already failed several times to the point that I would want to give up. And the yearning never stops. It just keeps on getting worse.
I can say that I have a different life now—life of an adult, life of independence. I do not think of researches, projects and exams anymore to acquire my degree and become a cum laude graduate. I am now mulling over promotion and obtaining a higher job grade. I do not budget the weekly allowance my parents give me any longer. I am now contemplating on how to apportion my salary for leisure, needs and, uhhhmmmm savings?? Hahaha! I do enjoy this kind of life. But the question is ‘until when?’. I am now jaded, though I am trying my best to keep the fire burning. But then again, ‘until when?’. I cannot convince myself that this may already be the life I will grow old with, for this is not the life I dreamed of and struggled for.
It was the opening of UAAP last Saturday. For UP is this season’s host, I and my co-workers who are iskos ans iskas as well have long planned to watch this live. But because of being oblivious of university updates, I did not know that our schedule for Baguio trip would hinder me to enliven my maroon blood. I had no choice then but just to watch it from the hotel. I really wanted to cheer with the crowd and act as if I am beating my bass drum for UP Pep Squad. But I knew I would look stupid. And so I tamed myself and tried to be quiet while gazing at the tv. And I suddenly felt sad for I am quite not sure if I will be a part of Peyups again. I went through a lot of frustrations already. And I will never know if I will still have the guts to return.
I certainly miss UP. But how will I resolve this? Will I continue enduring the nostalgia? Or will I go back and live the life of an Iskolar ng Bayan again?
I can say that I have a different life now—life of an adult, life of independence. I do not think of researches, projects and exams anymore to acquire my degree and become a cum laude graduate. I am now mulling over promotion and obtaining a higher job grade. I do not budget the weekly allowance my parents give me any longer. I am now contemplating on how to apportion my salary for leisure, needs and, uhhhmmmm savings?? Hahaha! I do enjoy this kind of life. But the question is ‘until when?’. I am now jaded, though I am trying my best to keep the fire burning. But then again, ‘until when?’. I cannot convince myself that this may already be the life I will grow old with, for this is not the life I dreamed of and struggled for.
It was the opening of UAAP last Saturday. For UP is this season’s host, I and my co-workers who are iskos ans iskas as well have long planned to watch this live. But because of being oblivious of university updates, I did not know that our schedule for Baguio trip would hinder me to enliven my maroon blood. I had no choice then but just to watch it from the hotel. I really wanted to cheer with the crowd and act as if I am beating my bass drum for UP Pep Squad. But I knew I would look stupid. And so I tamed myself and tried to be quiet while gazing at the tv. And I suddenly felt sad for I am quite not sure if I will be a part of Peyups again. I went through a lot of frustrations already. And I will never know if I will still have the guts to return.
I certainly miss UP. But how will I resolve this? Will I continue enduring the nostalgia? Or will I go back and live the life of an Iskolar ng Bayan again?
