Ironic, but this is what I hate most about liking someone – expectations not being met. I am in cloud nine when I feel romance. He inspires me to do things I find dragging. He makes me smile during my worst days. He shapes me to feel that I am the most important entity. But my world turns upside-down if the things I anticipate do not transpire. For this, I hate myself most of the time. And for some reason, I cannot do something to end this contention. I am blessed with rationality and critical thinking but if my heart starts to take action, it rules my whole life. I know that this must not be the case, but I am truly struggling to have the power of using my mind over my emotions. Will it forever be a talent that I will never be able to acquire? Or is it a skill that I just need to explore and practice? I envy those who can easily let go, or at least fake their feelings, for I cannot do either of them. I can act on stage and perform what the script requires. However, this aptitude will not be able to fool anyone who can see through my eyes. And so I pray that you look at me closely…feel the warmth that I want to share and hear the unspoken words that I kept. I am hoping that through this, matters will be settled.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
like to liked to like to love(?)
I believe I am forcing myself to write something about this for I ought not to. I am not in the mood to blurt things out but this idea has long been running through my head.
I liked him. Yes, it was in the past. I do not know the reason behind but it just happened. Months passed but nothing flourished, until such time that I got to focus my attention to someone else. And so I hated him, not because I felt that the feeling was not mutual, but because he pissed me off several times at work. I sensed that he is not effective in his position. True enough, many people think so as well.
Life is such a trick! I was trying hard to befriend him to make myself feel comfortable when he is around. However, due to unforeseen, and I must say desirable things that came into the picture, my intention transformed into something much deeper…deeper than it was initially. I am enjoying the ride so far. It is even more exciting to note that there are developments in the process. But things still remain vague. I am certain that it will be impossible, but I want to know what is exactly on his mind. My friends are pushing me to make a move, but why would I? I have been hurt several times and I will not dare to be a masochist again and again. I guess I simply have to take pleasure in what is currently happening between us. If nothing is supposed to progress, then so be it. I may not be in the mood to talk about this now, but I hope to get a bigger picture SOON.
I liked him. Yes, it was in the past. I do not know the reason behind but it just happened. Months passed but nothing flourished, until such time that I got to focus my attention to someone else. And so I hated him, not because I felt that the feeling was not mutual, but because he pissed me off several times at work. I sensed that he is not effective in his position. True enough, many people think so as well.
Life is such a trick! I was trying hard to befriend him to make myself feel comfortable when he is around. However, due to unforeseen, and I must say desirable things that came into the picture, my intention transformed into something much deeper…deeper than it was initially. I am enjoying the ride so far. It is even more exciting to note that there are developments in the process. But things still remain vague. I am certain that it will be impossible, but I want to know what is exactly on his mind. My friends are pushing me to make a move, but why would I? I have been hurt several times and I will not dare to be a masochist again and again. I guess I simply have to take pleasure in what is currently happening between us. If nothing is supposed to progress, then so be it. I may not be in the mood to talk about this now, but I hope to get a bigger picture SOON.
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