Ironic, but this is what I hate most about liking someone – expectations not being met. I am in cloud nine when I feel romance. He inspires me to do things I find dragging. He makes me smile during my worst days. He shapes me to feel that I am the most important entity. But my world turns upside-down if the things I anticipate do not transpire. For this, I hate myself most of the time. And for some reason, I cannot do something to end this contention. I am blessed with rationality and critical thinking but if my heart starts to take action, it rules my whole life. I know that this must not be the case, but I am truly struggling to have the power of using my mind over my emotions. Will it forever be a talent that I will never be able to acquire? Or is it a skill that I just need to explore and practice? I envy those who can easily let go, or at least fake their feelings, for I cannot do either of them. I can act on stage and perform what the script requires. However, this aptitude will not be able to fool anyone who can see through my eyes. And so I pray that you look at me closely…feel the warmth that I want to share and hear the unspoken words that I kept. I am hoping that through this, matters will be settled.
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