…at long last

After 11 months (almost a year!) of planning, I, Gracia and (Miss) Mcne finally got the chance to get together yesterday. We watched a movie at Gateway Mall, and pushed a booze session through at Mcne’s place.
I truly miss such gimmicks. But I miss Mcne more (for I see Gracia almost everyday. Hellerrrr?! We are housemates in UP Village, dude!). I sincerely pine for our chats, laughters, book criticisms, movie reviews, spiffs, PA’s, and all those Epix days’ stuff. I wanted to go back there. But with all the academic works and extra curricular activities I have, it is impossible now. I just wish that time will permit us again to have a gathering like this in the future.

My Two New Babies

A friend once told me that the material things (the gadgets…hi-tech devices in particular) a person treasures must be tagged with names. According to him, this must be so for it signifies the fact that these objects are really precious. And also, ‘baptized’ items, as stated by him, function at their best if the owner treats them so dearly, which in a way is exemplified by naming these doodads. I do not really understand the raison d’être here, but this seems interesting. Too bad I was already enjoying my P910i for months when my said friend shared this idea. Hence, I wasn’t able to give it a name anymore.
Because I badly need a laptop for my thesis, Papa bought me one just last December 7. Now it’s solely mine! I was even lucky that this laptop came with a digital camera! Wohooo! Picture galore! Since I now have two new gizmos, I had to think of two names as an adherence to the give-names-to-widgets notion mentioned…

Meet Sammy (laptop) and Kimmy (digital camera), my new babies. Their names do not really have meanings…I simply find them cool and cute. Hahaha!

Whattah Christmas Gift!

This is such a long devastating day! I am so angry, exhausted, disappointed, and agitated—all at the same time.
Lantern Parade is one of the most awaited events in the University of the Philippines (Diliman). Not only it enlivens the spirit of Christmas in the campus, but it also showcases the creative side of the students of UPD’s colleges. It has long been an annual tradition, even outsiders are longing to witness. But just because the chancellor was so threatened by what student protesters could do just for TOFI (Tuition and Other Fee Increases) not to be approved, he called this off. Without thinking of all the effort, money, and time many people have offered just for this event to be pushed through, the very great chancellor of UPD cancelled an affair quite a number of people have long been preparing for. Just as when the College of Arts and Letters was confident enough we could win this time—mere reason why many of us set off our beds and the luxury of sleeping for a night or so—Chancellor Sergio Cao suspended what we have been setting up for! What was his reason??? According to rumors, there was a bomb threat so he could not risk the safety of all the people who would be joining the parade. Huh!!! The hell with the bomb threat!!! Why couldn’t he just admit that he was so alarmed with what we could do to fight for our rights?! Why was not he showing up whenever we demanded for explanations?! If he was really not desperate, why did he have to hit a student demonstrator with his own car, just to stop the activists from articulating their sentiments?! And if the UP administration has truly no agenda, why were today’s memos all set for dissemination knowing that this year’s Lantern Parade’s termination was an abrupt pronouncement?! Hmmm… I smell something fishy…
Among others, what certainly pissed me off the most today is the approval of TOFI!!! While I and the other students, who truthfully scrutinize what the society dictates, endured the heat of the sun and formed barricades for the BOR (Board of Regents) not to pursue their meeting, many UP students still remained apathetic. With all of the educational discussions and fora we have been conducting, many still do not understand what we are fighting for. And it hurts us so much to know that even our co-iskos had been rejecting our presence when we, despite the physical stress and emotional torture, were still trying to make them aware. It was as if none of them will be affected if ever TOFI proposal would become a reality.
With 7-0 votes (because the Student Regent and the Faculty Regent were not informed where the meeting was, so they were not able to express their thoughts in front of the board), the Tuition and Other Fee Increases proposal was finally agreed upon by the Board of Regents. It seems that all our exertions for the campaigns have gone in vain, but we will never look at it this way… So long as there are people like Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Emerlinda Roman, and Sergio Cao who think of nothing but just their own comfort and welfare, the fight still continues. We will again STAND UP… Now better…stronger…larger…

Awkward… Awkward…

I am so excited to go back to Parañaque for Papa got home tonight! He just finished his 10-month contract as seafarer. Since I had Speech 165 this afternoon, I would just be free to set off after I would be able to present our radio production intro.
But one thing caught me oblivious today… It is my orgmate’s birthday! Oh my! If Lea did not greet him, I would not know. Stupid me! I never told him that I was not aware that it was his day, so I just sent him an SMS birthday greeting. After expressing gratitude through text, he invited us to come to our favorite booze session venue. I was undecided at first for I really wanted to go home ASAP. But after being so silly not to remember my friend’s special day, it is but right to spend my night with them…
We were having a good time when the celebrator (yes…celebrator…not celebrant J) announced that some of his brods were coming. Well, I did not care. As long as we have gin-straw or gin-grape on the table, everything will be fine at Drew’s. But I felt uncomfortable when somebody arrived. I was really out of my depth. Despite the fact that we have been introduced before, we never spoke with each other… Neither just a simple ‘hi’ nor ‘hello’ was heard from him or from me. We did not even bother to exhibit just a smirk to catch each other’s attention. This, by some means, mystifies things for me…

Surprise!!!

The College of Arts and Letters Student Council had a semester planning last Saturday. Although it may sound so serious, we still had an ample time to unwind after scheduling the coming term’s activities. Xenia, one of my co-councilors, knows how to read tarot cards. Hence, I took advantage of the opportunity. According to my cards, which Xenia has interpreted, someone who has long been out of communication with me will touch my life again. She also added that in one of this week’s days, this person will begin his role as my soon-to-be romantic partner. Hmmm…it sounds interesting. I am aware that what Xenia has told me may not happen. But who knows?
I was so conscious of whom I was interacting with recently. But none of them satisfies what Xenia was explaining. Since the week is about to finish, I just thought that the cards might be wrong. However, at exactly 1:01am today, I received an SMS from one of my bygone crushes. All of a sudden, he becomes curious of what is happening to my life! I admit that this shocked me. But I do not want to look at this as that of what Xenia was pointing out. I just want to take this as something that ensued out of the concern of an individual for a long-never-seen friend.
I do not want to make a fuss out of something simple… I mean, I do not want to misinterpret occurrences anymore. He was my crush, and that’s it! He is now a friend that must be cherished just like my other buddies. Thus, it appears that someone must have missed something in translating what my cards wanted to say. Hehe! But I will still try it next time! Why not?!?! It is fun, isn’t it?

One-Time SeaBest Financer

This is a satisfying day! It is not because I felt rich for giving some of the SPECers a treat in Seattle’s Best, but because I finally resolved a misunderstanding (which I, myself, am not even aware how it went off) with a friend. Truly, silence just has to rule everything. We need not to articulate our grievances nor our apologies. A simple smile will straighten all the concerns out…
I hope that SeaBest sessions will be carried out habitually for it helps me to relax and to appreciate life. But I promise not to be the financer next time. Hahaha!

ParSci Peeps Day

Sir Dids kept on telling us before that although an individual would find new buddies, high school friends would always be the most precious friends one would have. True enough, though we do not see each other often, my high school friends have always been there for me. So in spite of our busy schedules, we try our best to get together once in a while to share some stories and to reminisce the good old times.
Today is the first day of enrollment for the 2nd semester of AY 2006-2007. And as graduating students (yehey!), we are prioritized in the registration. This means somehow bidding goodbye to long and presumably never ending lines. Thus, I and my high school classmates in UPD agreed to have lunch together, for we can get done with our enrollment easily. We had several choices of restos and fast foods where we can take our lunch, but we chose to go to the Beach House, the premier barbeque seller of the University of the Philippines (Diliman). Why? We just thought that we have not eaten there for quite a while already, and that we must enjoy the features of UPD for we will soon be leaving it (sigh!).
Our lunch was really fun! We were so noisy for all of us was so thrilled to share and to hear each other’s words. We did not care if everybody was already bothered by our loud chats! Hahaha!
It seems just yesterday when we, unaware where to find a specific building, were strolling around the campus. But we are now down to our last semester as college students. I do not know what to feel…

Culmination in Theatre 131

Wow! Encore! Encore!
The production we have all been preparing for was finally carried out tonight. We just had barely two weeks to organize everything, and yet, the outcome appeared as if it has been arranged for a long time already. I am so pleased with what we have shown!
Theatre 131 (Beginning Acting) will always be one of my most appreciated experience in UP. It has taught me a lot of lessons from acting properly, to having appropriate attitude towards obtaining a career inside and even outside the theater. It has also given me a new set of friends I was able to deeply share the ‘real me’ with…even for just a short while.
I had been scolded by my professor many times during the rehearsals. He even called me ‘maarte’ for not going in front of the line in the curtain call, for I was shy enough to be so exposed. I cannot deny the fact that I felt bad whenever he made me think that acting is not for me. I had almost given up my passion in performing because of the teaching techniques he has been employing in our group. But I am sure that these were all for my benefit. He was trying to put me into the proper perspectives, for acting is not as easy as it may seem. It is, to quote Sir Dex, is not a fly-by-night thing. ‘True Acting’ is beyond performing on the stage or in front of the camera. It is thinking… No good actor is dull for he needs to be analytical in his every action thus, requiring apposite frame of mind.
Even if I was not able to spend my time for anything else aside from Theatre 131 for the past two weeks, I can say that it is worth it for we have produced something that we can all be proud of. Truthfully, performing in front of an audience is a privilege anyone will not forget.

The Power of Colt 45

I do not know what actually happened to me. I know I have high alcohol tolerance. I am even a Red Horse drinker, man! But come on! Just two cans of Colt 45 tonight could shut me up!
Trivia… Alcohol has already got into me when I am already talking straight in English!!! Haha! Cool but true! Many SPECers can attest to this.
It was Pi Sigma Fraternity’s Open Tambayan tonight, and UP SPECA was invited to come over. Because of the exhaustion I put up with these past few days, I was unwilling to go at first. But my orgmates persuaded me to death so I ended up joining them.
I did not want to eat so I just decided to take a can of Colt 45. After finishing it up, a friend immediately offered me another one. Who was I to beg beer off? Just as when I knew that gulping the second one would not affect me at all, I began to feel a little lightheaded. Good thing I was not speaking in English then! I was still aware of what was happening so I just opted to be silent, so as not to be regarded as inebriated by people around me. Although I was still given another can to imbibe, I did not bother to open it up anymore for we would still go to Marge’s place for a performance rehearsal.
I am really puzzled why those two cans of Colt 45 impinged on me in such a way. It is perhaps because Colt 45 has high alcohol content…or maybe because a strained person who takes alcohol is bound to get drunk easily…

A Laudable Loss

It’s over…
I admit I had a spark of hope when Scintilla Juris did not immediately show up. My fingers were really crossed when the moderator started the countdown for SJ’s default. I felt really cold…excited…yet very nervous for they could come in Claro M. Recto Hall in any moment.
I was reviewing our arguments when I finally saw one of SJ’s debaters coming in. I then prepared myself for a certain defeat. We were primarily not ready. Who the hell would have the guts to go in a debate ill-equipped, knowing that the opponents were experts in argumentation?! Only us!!! Hahaha! Funny it may seem, but it took us a lot of courage to do so.
I was truly shaking but I tried my best not to show I was intimidated. My mind was really blank despite all the words that were coming out from my mouth when I was having my first speech. I was exceedingly panic-stricken for our opponents were law students. They must know the law, right? So I thought that no matter what we do in the debate, we would still be doomed to failure.
But my senses were struck when the second speaker of the affirmative side utilized argumentum ad hominem. Instead of negating my arguments, he gave focus on the way I attacked their points…he attacked my character! I know my face went pale for he undoubtedly harassed me. Duh! Never in my life did I appear pitiable in an assembly like that. So it somehow boosted my arrogance to emulate what he did. The fright in me suddenly faded away. That gave way for me to grill him in the interpellation. Though it was quite apparent that he was avoiding my questions, I am sure I still made him concede to what I was saying. Hehehe! It was my first time to cross examine someone and to deliver a rebuttal speech without having even just an outline of what I would impart! I must be proud of that… I might look rude because of the way I spoke in all of my speeches, but no one could blame me. My ‘very respectable opponent’ initiated it. Anyway, it was just a debate…a competition… They ought to understand it.
I honestly felt relieved when the last speech was delivered. SJ crossed the house and shook our hands. With all the stress I was experiencing these past few days, I can say that the smile I exhibited was genuine.
While waiting for the results, which by the way I sincerely did not anticipate to favor us anymore, I joined my ever supportive orgmates who were watching behind us. I did not intend to look weak for we incontestably did great in the competition, knowing that we were not geared up and that our opponents have long been skilled in debating. But when some SPECers huddled to cheer us up and when Lea patted my shoulder, I unexpectedly shed tears. It was perhaps just a way to release all the pressure, and to reciprocate the warmth I feel in UP SPECA.
When SJ was already announced as the winner, I believed that we were NOT losers. Not only we were sheltered by those people who never doubt our abilities, but we have also proven that we were not abysmal debaters for the judges, themselves, announced that it was a very close fight.
We might have lost the chance to advance to the finals and be the champions of the Pi Sigma Fraternity Open Debate Tournament 2006, but this will not dishearten us. It will rather be a challenge for us to further enhance our knacks. We will keep on shining!!!

being egotistical…

Darn! I was not able to follow my schedule!!!
After typing my journal account last Saturday, I sat on the sofa and turned on the television. This was just for me to take some time to relax a little bit and to take pleasure in a moment despite all the hassles that are coming my way. But this leisure sanctioned me to nod off until 3am yesterday. OMG! I had no choice but to take a shower just to wake my wits up. After regaining my attentiveness, I finally sat in front of the laptop and tried to accomplish the first two chapters of my thesis. I temporarily cooled it by 7am just to have my breakfast, but I immediately came back and focused on my study.
Truly, when someone is under time-pressure, he/she is compelled to concentrate in spite of all the distractions. I even took no notice of hunger. The only thing that cut me short to be in the thesis mode that time was the message alert tones of my phones. Since I departed from my timetable, I was forced to move the debate preparations. I and Jen decided to do it as an overnight activity. Amy could not make for she has other appointments. But we were still fluky enough to have Lea and Jay spent the whole Sunday night just to help us build our arguments.
I was not yet done when the clock stroke 5pm yesterday. I had to shift to the debate mode then so I had to at least finalize my first two chapters. Though my thesis requirement for Thursday was not thoroughly furnished, I was still happy that it would just demand me a little more editing.
Even if I am deprived from sleep and would still need to get familiar with my speech and cases, I will cheerfully go to Claro M. Recto Hall few minutes after this to represent the University of the Philippines Speech Communication Association. Our team is not hoping to win this match anymore, but our presence as UP SPECA debaters, being cheered on by our orgmates, would make us more than victors.

Self-declared Superwoman

CALSC went to Antipolo last night for an essential overnight activity. No room for sleepy heads, dude! So I needed to brace myself for it was an agony!!! Hehe! My eye bags can speak for themselves! We finished this activity by 6 this morning. After about 30 minutes of power nap, I fixed myself and immediately flew to UP. Though I felt dizzy and weak because of lack of sleep, I forced myself to take pleasure in visiting different libraries in UP. Well, I was not being a genius or a grade conscious student. I just had to finalize my thesis topic and few of its components through RRL (Review of Related Literature). Seemingly, I went to UP to attend to my thesis’ needs. But while reading books and journals, Amy and I were exchanging SMS’s. We were discussing the plan on Monday. Amy already knew that I would need to focus on my acads so I requested her to ask our alternates if they can debate on Monday. I also texted UP SPECA’s chair (Lea) and vice chair (Marge), informing them that most probably, we will just default the debate for I am becoming overly fatigued because of all the activities I am attending to. When I was already accepting the fact that I absolutely cannot compete for SPECA on Monday, Amy texted me that no one among the alternates will be willing to replace me in the team. When I asked Amy if she’s still eager to participate, without any uncertainties, she replied ‘YES’. The moment I comprehended on Amy’s message, I said to myself, “If Amy’s on-the-go, who am I to turn UP SPECA down? I was fighting when I started this. Hence, I will end this…still fighting.” Amy and I decided that we will exhaust our means so as not to look pathetic on Monday. Although I am still hoping to win, Amy and I already accepted the fact that our opponents will defeat us, knowing that we haven’t prepared anything yet. So when I was absorbing the idea that Amy and I will debate on Monday despite all the tasks that are waiting for us, Lea texted me saying that she and the whole org would understand if we fail to show up in the next match. Upon receiving her SMS, I informed her about our resolution. Being the emotional person that I really am, tears fell down on my face when Lea responded. Her message was really touching… Take note!!! I was in the library! I felt that everybody was looking at me. Hehehe! With the bushed appearance I had, with all the photocopies of readings and the books I was carrying, with the aura I projected, and with my teary and swollen eyes as accents, people there would definitely think I was out of my mind. Anyway, I’m planning to concentrate on my thesis tonight…this whole night. And tomorrow is reserved for the debate’s preparation.

Matter of Choice

Enough of debate!!! How can I continue doing what I want, if I won’t be able to accomplish what I’m compelled to get done?!?! Just on time, I want to graduate with flying colors. With this goal, I must give premium to education. Given that I have this objective, how can I join the semifinals on Monday knowing that I haven’t typed at least a single word for my thesis…knowing that I will be having another midterm exam on Tuesday in one subject…knowing that I will be carrying out a report also on Tuesday in another subject…knowing that we have an overnight activity in CALSC tonight…knowing that I really am stressed out and will obviously be needing time to relax and rest?!?!?! How?! Damn!!! I’m really feeling worthless right now. I hope I can divide myself to pull all of these off… But it would be impossible…so better choose. That’s why I’m giving debate up!!! Anyway, our group has alternates. They can place someone on my behalf. I know they can…they are very eager to… Arggghhhhhh!!! I wish that fulfilling everything is as easy as typing it here.

Thursday Funk

Yehey! We are moving on to the semi finals of the open debate tournament. I was really overwhelmed so when Lea invited me to go to Seattle’s Best Katips, I immediately said ‘yes’! After so much hard work, it’s just but fair to treat myself with Brownie Java Kúla while chatting with Intet, Eraine, and Lea. By the way, we just established a new subgroup in UP SPECA. The four of us comprise the ‘Thursday Group’. Yeah, I know! Like…whatta name?!?! Well, many ‘good’ things happened today. And apparently, today is Thursday. So, for us to easily hark back to these fantastic happenings in our lives, we tagged ourselves such… After quite a number of disclosures in our SeaBest experience, we promised each other that we will carry out such a regular (well…as MUCH as POSSIBLE) gathering to enliven our bonding and for us to share more pleasurable gossips. Good for me ‘coz I’m getting addicted to SeaBest coffee…Herherherher!!! But I will always love the Strawberries & Cream Frappuccino of Starbucks.

Drained Brain

I didn’t sleep again… Yeah! I will be having my midterm examination later. Worse…I will take the test earlier than our schedule! I actually requested my professor to allow me to take an early test because the period allocated for the midterm exam is in conflict with the schedule of the debate later! This subject’s readings are deadly! I badly desired to give up…to enjoy the luxury of relaxation…of sleep. But luckily, I managed to stay awake. But I’m just not sure if I will able to make my brain function well for the rest of the day. I’m now suffering the muddling of thoughts. If only I could wash out the ideas not related to my subject’s lessons while taking the exam, I would die to do so… Huhuhu! Well, I will just look at the brighter side… *change mood* At last, I will be having an experience in formal debate! I’m so excited yet very nervous… What if I mess up? What if I won’t have questions for the interpellation? What if I will answer our opponents’ questions in such a way that I will just favor their side? What if…we lose… Hahaha! But to be fair, I am certain that we have prepared enough to win the debate later. Good luck to us!!!

Impulse of an Insomiac

After 40++ hours of forcing myself to be awake, I dragged my sleepy body to UP for a debate about STFAP rebracketing yesterday. I admit I was not in the mood. How could I be engrossed to do something if I didn’t even have enough rest to begin with?!?! My mind was not functioning well but I still managed to compose myself and make an outline of my arguments, at least. I was nervous…really, really nervous. It was supposedly my first time to be in a formal debate. I already am the speaker, and not just an onlooker, this time. Trying to look relaxed and self-assured, I, Amy, and Anj headed towards the assigned room. To my disappointment, I found out that our opponents would not be coming. I was frustrated. I utilized my sleeping time getting ready for the debate but we would not gain something in return…I mean, even just the experience of being in a debate competition for the first time. Fortunately, the organizer gave us the opportunity to impart our arguments, but not through debating against a team. In a sense, by debating against ‘one’ person (who was good enough to create impromptu speeches and imaginary statistics), we still were able to argue, not favoring the rebracketing of STFAP. I found the situation funny. I was so unperturbed, to the point that due to being soooo sleepy, my eyes were already giving up. I was not bothered even though Amy was delivering her speech. Hahaha!
At the end of the day, after researching tons of journals for my thesis (which I’ve done after the screening), I was surprised to receive an SMS informing me that our debate team ranked number 1 in the screening… Imagine, we will be waiting in the first elimination round. We will automatically jump to the second elimination round without any difficulty. What a relief!!! I and Amy will have time to focus our attention on our theses. But actually, if I would be asked, this idea is not overwhelming at all. Primarily, this gave us the burden to prove that we are one of the strongest, if not the best team. Well probably, I can bluntly say that we are good. But being “the best” in the tournament is another story. I will just enjoy the moment of relaxation. Let’s just see what we, the SPECA debate team, can do on August 10. :)

Wet and Strenuous Day

State of the Nation Address (SONA) again! Once more, GMA will be heard for her lies and contemptible promises…
The typhoon didn’t stop us. Despite the rain and strong winds, we still marched from UP to an area near Sandigan Bayan yesterday, to express our sentiments to the puppet and fascist president. Aside from the umbrella I was using, I also wore a jacket to protect me from the rain. But the environment was so harsh then. Perhaps it also wanted to express its aggravations with us. Hahaha! So no matter how we shielded ourselves from being wet, nature found its ways to make us look burdened.
When the mob stopped from progressing, we settled and rested for some time. This gave us time to eat our lunch (yes! we ate our lunch on the street! it was fun!). After a while, the program already began. We chanted several times to condemn GMA. It really relieves me to express the abhorrence I feel towards a person. At about 4pm, I and some of my companions decided to go home for we still have a number of things to do.
It was past 5pm when I got to the apartment. I relaxed for a short while and took a bath after. While drying my hair, I was still able to catch up with some of the parts of GMA’s speech. I must admit, her speech was well-constructed. I wonder…how many refurbishments it went through? How many writers passed it on? An ordinary citizen wouldn’t know. With regards to the contents, I can say that GMA is so ambitious. Well, let’s just see…
After listening to GMA’s SONA, I immediately fixed my things to get ready for an overnight brainstorming activity for the debate. I and the other members of SPECA debate team agreed to meet at Vinzons Hall by 8pm. It was just 7pm so I was still calm. When I lay on my bed to lighten up my mood, I wasn’t able to stop myself from sleeping. I was really exhausted. When I woke up, it was already 7:52. I stood up instantly and prepared to leave. Without more ado, I left the apartment and went to Vinzons Hall. To cut the story short, the team was completed by 10pm in Mini-Stop Katipunan. Marge fetched us and brought us to their house. We worked on the Philippine Mining Act that night. We tried to scrutinize the law and build the arguments on both sides. The process was even more complicated than what I was expecting. It was so hard!!! While burning our eyebrows, people were texting us that there would be no classes today, so we felt a little comforted. At least, we can still have time to have a good sleep even though our work objectives were not met.

UPrising Concert

KALampagan, the annual pre-SONA event of CAL, was called off so I decided to come home early last night(8pm as compared to the usual 11pm, 12mn, 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am…). I was alone in the apartment so I just watched television. While watching, I suddenly thought of the debate screenings on Saturday (July 29). The debate orientation was held this afternoon and we were told that we will be debating against one of the five groups sent by Alpha Phi Beta Fraternity. This gave trembles to me. Haller?!?! I am a first time debater and our group will immediately be matched against the fraternity where the last year’s champion team and the best debater came from?!?! Fine! I will just look at it as a challenge…a horrendous one!
In an Oregon-Oxford type of debate, researches are very important. Facts and statistics will play important roles. So to have enough preparation, the debate organizer already gave the topic—Resolved: That STFAP Rebracketing be Imposed. With these things disturbing me, I immediately grabbed my phones and texted several people who are probable sources of information. One of my friends from CAL confirmed that she has materials about STFAP. As a person who was very eager to study the topic right away, I asked her if I could get them at once. She agreed. But she was in UPrising, a pre-SONA concert sponsored by the University Student Council. She then asked me if I could go there so she could give the facts to me. Without thinking twice, I hurriedly fixed myself and traveled from Amorsolo to Faculty Center via cab. I was feeling out of place at first for I didn’t know where the person I was looking for was. Fortunately, I saw some friends from GABRIELA-Youth. For a while, I stayed with them until Benson came. We were enjoying the concert so much that I already forgot the reason why I went there. I remember when the Sugarfree was already performing. Everybody was singing along. Some were even dancing to their beats. When they sang Hari ng Sablay, which was their last song for the night, a group of men went wild. They initiated a little turmoil causing Sugarfree to stop performing. I saw the frustration in Ebe’s eyes. Despite being sick, and the fact that the whole band just came from a tiring performance somewhere far from UP, Ebe performed his 100%. But inevitable circumstances such as the panic made him feel worse. I couldn’t blame him from walking out. If I were in his place, I would surely do the same. In spite of what happened, we still enjoyed the next performances. We stayed there until 2 am, I guess, but I was not able to get the materials—the very purpose why I was there.

A Table Battle

The College of Arts and Letters Student Council (CALSC) conducted the first CAL General Assembly this morning. This was held in Claro M. Recto Hall to provide a venue for dialogues between CAL students and professors.
As a councilor of CALSC, it was my duty to attend the said event and be one of the representatives of CAL students.
We were having a problem about the attendance of the students at first, for not all professors will be requiring their students to partake. Thank God! About three hours before the program, Dr. Virgilio Almario (National Artist for literature), the dean of the College of Arts and Letters, disseminated a memorandum, making it compulsory for the CAL students to attend.
Just five minutes before the GA begin, I entered the hall. I was feeling nervous at first when I sat on my seat. Though it was not my first time to be a speaker in C.M. Recto Hall, I felt really cold. Probably, I was just aware that clashes between the students and professors are possible to come about.
And so it started. We had an educational discussion about CAL situation and UP situation. Then, each department representative was given the chance to present their reports. Days prior to the event, they surveyed on the problems their respective departments are facing. So after thorough researches, the department representatives were able to relay their concerns to their department chairpersons in the GA. Among the five departments of CAL, the Department of Art Studies consumed a lot of time. This is because DAS has plans of imposing laboratory fees in Art Studies 1 and Arts Studies 2.
I understand the fact that the students and the administration have a common goal of obtaining a quality education for the iskos and iskas. True enough, this education will not be attained without enough resources…without enough budget. Since the government is not giving what is due to us, UP is lacking funds to maintain our facilities. So to be able to carry on effectively still, the administration is seeking means to fill the inadequacies of the government. And so the Department of Art Studies thought of resolving this matter by enforcing laboratory fees in their two subjects. They have their reasons which were clearly explained in the dialogue though. Being a CAL student who would also aspire for better facilities to coincide with the fast track of modernization, I recognize the points presented by DAS. I do concede that UP needs funds. But I do not agree that it must be the burden of the students to pay such fees. Fundamentally, EDUCATION is a RIGHT and NOT a PRIVILEGE. It is the responsibility of the government to fund our educational needs. So if everybody now is affected by the lack of funds because of factors such as budget cut and inaccurate prioritization of the government’s money, then as part of the premier state university, we must further our campaign for a greater state subsidy. No goal is impossible to attain through an evident unity of the parties concern. So if the government will witness how the whole UP community works towards a shared aim, GMA and her colleagues would brace themselves for that. They would absolutely be left with no other choice but to give what we are demanding. I am pretty much aware that this option is long-term. Hence, a plan with short-term objective is also at hand. As student leaders, CALSC can help DAS to market, or carry out an income-generating project. Our service will be limitless just for the welfare of the students. With these, I was not able to halt myself from reacting on what the DAS chairperson was discussing. It looked as if I wanted to flaunt, “Hey! I am right! You are wrong”. But those who know me can attest that it was just my normal projection and way of speaking, and I did not mean to appear sarcastic. Even if I obliviously offended the concerned people with the way I presented my thoughts, I don’t care. No matter what the consequences will be, I will always stand by the interests of the students.

Unsettled Still

I do not have a thesis topic yet!!! Well, I have something on my mind but it’s still not clear-cut. When I consulted my Speech 199 adviser this morning, she just asked to me read more, so I would be able to narrow down my variables. It was pretty obvious then that I am not into thesis yet.
As a member of GABRIELA-Youth, I want to study something which is related to gender, specifically about violence against women. I’m thinking about the nature of self-disclosure of a rape victim as compared to that of a rape by sexual assault victim. What’s the difference between a victim of rape and a victim of rape by sexual assault? It’s for you to find out, coz’ I won’t tell! Hahaha! Read on, dude! Anyway, I am considering this topic primarily because I would be interested to find out if there would be a difference on the levels of revelations of the two victims, knowing that both of them are sexually abused, only in different aspects. The only problem I am expecting to encounter in this study is the acquisition of respondents. I would certainly conduct case studies so I would holistically venture on the variables I set. Since my topic is quite sensitive to dwell on, ethicality with regards to the interaction with my informants will be crucial. Beyond these, everything else would absolutely be under my control.

Facing Great Fear

I admire great debaters. As a child, I was fond of watching debate tournaments aired on television. I really marveled at the debaters’ insolence and intelligence. They appeared gods to me for they can justify their sides so well. This made me realize that I would love to be like them someday. But I was not given a chance. The schools I attended before college did not give premium on debate. Perhaps I was able to develop my skills in speaking…but only in form (fluency, diction, etc.). I was not able to improve my ability in critical thinking, which is very significant in debate.
Now, I am a graduating Speech Communication student. My degree actually has a venue for me to become what I envisaged of. But I was afraid to start. I was thinking that good debaters are only those who have been formally engaged in debate tournaments since elementary or high school, at least. In this case, I must just satisfy myself as a spectator in a debate, and not as the debater. I accepted the idea that I couldn’t be a good debater since I don’t have any experience…
I was offered to join a debate competition last year but I did not grab the opportunity. I was scared…I was easily intimidated. But I promised myself that I would join a competition after taking Speech 133 (Debate and Argumentation). And so I took the course during the first semester of the last academic year. But I didn’t feel any enhancement. I felt that nothing was refurbished. So I accepted the fact that I can definitely be a good speaker, but never a good debater… I sidetracked my attention to other things. I enjoyed the things I was doing to the point that I already forgot that I dreamt of being a debater. And so my last academic year came. I know for a fact that a debate competition will be carried out sooner or later, but I did not care. I was so engrossed with the matters I’ve engaged myself to, until 5 days ago. I was offered again to join the open debate tournament. I immediately turned the proposal down. I was thinking that I have more important things to attend to. But my orgmate was soooo persistent in convincing me to join. Every time he sees me, he persuades me. He even texted me for various times just to appeal to my emotions. He was really importunate. Perhaps he knows that deep inside, no matter how many times I decline, I really want to join. So about an hour ago, when he requested me to join the competition, I finally said yes. I have accepted the burden. At last, I will be facing my fear. When I contemplated on what happened, I realized that I agreed to join because I am really aspiring to become a debater. I am now in my last year as a college student. If not now, then when will be the next chance?

daunting six-letter word

I am so excited to finish BA Speech Communication!!! Well, I admit I don’t have definite post-graduation plans yet. I’m still not sure if I will proceed to a law school, take M.A., or work right after graduation. I’m even considering to be a bum for quite some time after torturing myself for being a consistent ‘good’ student (ahem!) for 17 years! Hahaha! But one thing’s for sure…I am determined to graduate on time. I have 15 units of load this semester and 6 more units for my next and last semester. I’m still hanging on to finish my degree as Cum Laude. I must say I’ve been productive during my college days, especially in the last three terms. I’ve mingled with different types of people. I’ve showcased my skills effectively. I’ve been politically aware. I’ve overcome my fears. I’ve joined several mobilizations. I’ve been happy, gloomy, apprehensive, immodest, assertive, timid…I’ve simply been ME!!! Satisfying Life!!! But one crucial thing that bugs me, not just these past few days, but even before I entered college, is THESIS! I heard a lot of students who weren’t able to finish their degrees for they did not accomplish their theses. This puts so much pressure on me. What if I become so relaxed that I would just take my thesis for granted? Will I still feel that I am proficient? Waah! I don‘t even have a topic to begin with!!!

Getting Started

Before, I wonder why people engage themselves in online journal writing… For me, journals or diaries are personal accounts meant to be kept for the sake of reminiscing moments or expressing one’s self in the most discreet way possible. These writings are private and are not accomplished just to be read by others. So having a journal online contradicts the principles mentioned. Right? But I have a different perspective now… With all the things happening to my life these days, I have realized that I want to be heard, not through the “typical Ran” way—loud and animated. Instead, I want to be HEARD through SILENCE. Weird… Why? It’s primarily because different people have different methods of interpreting things. That is why if you are infuriated by someone, and you cannot confront him/her personally, the best way to communicate with him/her is through letter or SMS. Through either of these, emotions will not be blatantly conveyed. A person wouldn’t have a definite idea of how a certain statement is actually imparted by the source. Hahahaha! Non-verbal communication…paralanguage that is!!!

I’ve tried constructing a definite blog account for several times already. But it seems that I just acquired quite a number of blog accounts with just two or three entries each. After the second or third item, I wouldn’t be able to progress anymore. You know ningas kugon? I was like this in all those accounts.

I didn’t like the idea of having a blog account in friendster hence, I’ve chosen various blog sites other than this. This is because of the fact that almost everybody now has a friendster account. So if I would be disclosing personal matters, why not limit other people’s access, at least???

In creating this blog, I believe that my life would be exposed…that people will be aware that I could be a live wire or a recluse at times…that the things I am considering private would have the tendency to be public (because i’ll be exposing them here…duh!). So what am I doing now?!?!?! Well, individuals always have their prerogatives. Readers would have their option whether to read my entries or not. So if you are not interested, why would you engage yourself into something? If this doesn’t draw your attention, then don’t spend some time reading it or even just glancing at every letter I typed. Who cares? It won’t be my loss, anyway. Besides, this blog is created not for other people’s satisfaction, but for my own pleasure.

I also find this account beneficial in a sense that this blog will be a great venue for people to know me better so they won’t get me wrong. AHEM! AHEM! Don’t judge me straight away because of the way I dress, speak, act, project, deal with people around me, or because of my affiliations and what I have achieved… Try, at least, to distinguish the factors beyond what you immediately see from me (i.e. emotional, intellectual, etc.). Then after, I guess, you can have your verdict…

Shining On

I want to believe I’m already in the thesis mode. I want to satisfy myself by the thought that I’m researching enough for my Review of Related Literature. I want to think that I don’t have time to unwind anymore because of giving too much attention to my study… Yes, I’m having sleepless nights recently, hence providing me no spare time. But this is not because of my thesis. Nowadays, I’m utilizing my free time for my extra curricular activities. Every time I go to UP SPECA tambayan, I become very anxious whenever I see my blockmates. They are so worried with their theses…that they still don’t know what methods of analysis they will use…that they still are not sure whether to do surveys or case studies…that their variables are not yet set…et cetera…et cetera…et cetera… Like I want to shout at them, “Hey guys! I don’t even have a thesis topic yet for God’s sake!!!” But come to think of it… If I’m so laid-back right now, knowing that thesis is extremely vital to finish my degree, I suppose I would need such pressures to push me to focus on doing my researches. Hahahaha! That’s why I love my orgmates so much. They are compelling me to face my responsibilities… They are keeping me sane… Shine on!!!