Impulse of an Insomiac

After 40++ hours of forcing myself to be awake, I dragged my sleepy body to UP for a debate about STFAP rebracketing yesterday. I admit I was not in the mood. How could I be engrossed to do something if I didn’t even have enough rest to begin with?!?! My mind was not functioning well but I still managed to compose myself and make an outline of my arguments, at least. I was nervous…really, really nervous. It was supposedly my first time to be in a formal debate. I already am the speaker, and not just an onlooker, this time. Trying to look relaxed and self-assured, I, Amy, and Anj headed towards the assigned room. To my disappointment, I found out that our opponents would not be coming. I was frustrated. I utilized my sleeping time getting ready for the debate but we would not gain something in return…I mean, even just the experience of being in a debate competition for the first time. Fortunately, the organizer gave us the opportunity to impart our arguments, but not through debating against a team. In a sense, by debating against ‘one’ person (who was good enough to create impromptu speeches and imaginary statistics), we still were able to argue, not favoring the rebracketing of STFAP. I found the situation funny. I was so unperturbed, to the point that due to being soooo sleepy, my eyes were already giving up. I was not bothered even though Amy was delivering her speech. Hahaha!
At the end of the day, after researching tons of journals for my thesis (which I’ve done after the screening), I was surprised to receive an SMS informing me that our debate team ranked number 1 in the screening… Imagine, we will be waiting in the first elimination round. We will automatically jump to the second elimination round without any difficulty. What a relief!!! I and Amy will have time to focus our attention on our theses. But actually, if I would be asked, this idea is not overwhelming at all. Primarily, this gave us the burden to prove that we are one of the strongest, if not the best team. Well probably, I can bluntly say that we are good. But being “the best” in the tournament is another story. I will just enjoy the moment of relaxation. Let’s just see what we, the SPECA debate team, can do on August 10. :)

Wet and Strenuous Day

State of the Nation Address (SONA) again! Once more, GMA will be heard for her lies and contemptible promises…
The typhoon didn’t stop us. Despite the rain and strong winds, we still marched from UP to an area near Sandigan Bayan yesterday, to express our sentiments to the puppet and fascist president. Aside from the umbrella I was using, I also wore a jacket to protect me from the rain. But the environment was so harsh then. Perhaps it also wanted to express its aggravations with us. Hahaha! So no matter how we shielded ourselves from being wet, nature found its ways to make us look burdened.
When the mob stopped from progressing, we settled and rested for some time. This gave us time to eat our lunch (yes! we ate our lunch on the street! it was fun!). After a while, the program already began. We chanted several times to condemn GMA. It really relieves me to express the abhorrence I feel towards a person. At about 4pm, I and some of my companions decided to go home for we still have a number of things to do.
It was past 5pm when I got to the apartment. I relaxed for a short while and took a bath after. While drying my hair, I was still able to catch up with some of the parts of GMA’s speech. I must admit, her speech was well-constructed. I wonder…how many refurbishments it went through? How many writers passed it on? An ordinary citizen wouldn’t know. With regards to the contents, I can say that GMA is so ambitious. Well, let’s just see…
After listening to GMA’s SONA, I immediately fixed my things to get ready for an overnight brainstorming activity for the debate. I and the other members of SPECA debate team agreed to meet at Vinzons Hall by 8pm. It was just 7pm so I was still calm. When I lay on my bed to lighten up my mood, I wasn’t able to stop myself from sleeping. I was really exhausted. When I woke up, it was already 7:52. I stood up instantly and prepared to leave. Without more ado, I left the apartment and went to Vinzons Hall. To cut the story short, the team was completed by 10pm in Mini-Stop Katipunan. Marge fetched us and brought us to their house. We worked on the Philippine Mining Act that night. We tried to scrutinize the law and build the arguments on both sides. The process was even more complicated than what I was expecting. It was so hard!!! While burning our eyebrows, people were texting us that there would be no classes today, so we felt a little comforted. At least, we can still have time to have a good sleep even though our work objectives were not met.

UPrising Concert

KALampagan, the annual pre-SONA event of CAL, was called off so I decided to come home early last night(8pm as compared to the usual 11pm, 12mn, 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am…). I was alone in the apartment so I just watched television. While watching, I suddenly thought of the debate screenings on Saturday (July 29). The debate orientation was held this afternoon and we were told that we will be debating against one of the five groups sent by Alpha Phi Beta Fraternity. This gave trembles to me. Haller?!?! I am a first time debater and our group will immediately be matched against the fraternity where the last year’s champion team and the best debater came from?!?! Fine! I will just look at it as a challenge…a horrendous one!
In an Oregon-Oxford type of debate, researches are very important. Facts and statistics will play important roles. So to have enough preparation, the debate organizer already gave the topic—Resolved: That STFAP Rebracketing be Imposed. With these things disturbing me, I immediately grabbed my phones and texted several people who are probable sources of information. One of my friends from CAL confirmed that she has materials about STFAP. As a person who was very eager to study the topic right away, I asked her if I could get them at once. She agreed. But she was in UPrising, a pre-SONA concert sponsored by the University Student Council. She then asked me if I could go there so she could give the facts to me. Without thinking twice, I hurriedly fixed myself and traveled from Amorsolo to Faculty Center via cab. I was feeling out of place at first for I didn’t know where the person I was looking for was. Fortunately, I saw some friends from GABRIELA-Youth. For a while, I stayed with them until Benson came. We were enjoying the concert so much that I already forgot the reason why I went there. I remember when the Sugarfree was already performing. Everybody was singing along. Some were even dancing to their beats. When they sang Hari ng Sablay, which was their last song for the night, a group of men went wild. They initiated a little turmoil causing Sugarfree to stop performing. I saw the frustration in Ebe’s eyes. Despite being sick, and the fact that the whole band just came from a tiring performance somewhere far from UP, Ebe performed his 100%. But inevitable circumstances such as the panic made him feel worse. I couldn’t blame him from walking out. If I were in his place, I would surely do the same. In spite of what happened, we still enjoyed the next performances. We stayed there until 2 am, I guess, but I was not able to get the materials—the very purpose why I was there.

A Table Battle

The College of Arts and Letters Student Council (CALSC) conducted the first CAL General Assembly this morning. This was held in Claro M. Recto Hall to provide a venue for dialogues between CAL students and professors.
As a councilor of CALSC, it was my duty to attend the said event and be one of the representatives of CAL students.
We were having a problem about the attendance of the students at first, for not all professors will be requiring their students to partake. Thank God! About three hours before the program, Dr. Virgilio Almario (National Artist for literature), the dean of the College of Arts and Letters, disseminated a memorandum, making it compulsory for the CAL students to attend.
Just five minutes before the GA begin, I entered the hall. I was feeling nervous at first when I sat on my seat. Though it was not my first time to be a speaker in C.M. Recto Hall, I felt really cold. Probably, I was just aware that clashes between the students and professors are possible to come about.
And so it started. We had an educational discussion about CAL situation and UP situation. Then, each department representative was given the chance to present their reports. Days prior to the event, they surveyed on the problems their respective departments are facing. So after thorough researches, the department representatives were able to relay their concerns to their department chairpersons in the GA. Among the five departments of CAL, the Department of Art Studies consumed a lot of time. This is because DAS has plans of imposing laboratory fees in Art Studies 1 and Arts Studies 2.
I understand the fact that the students and the administration have a common goal of obtaining a quality education for the iskos and iskas. True enough, this education will not be attained without enough resources…without enough budget. Since the government is not giving what is due to us, UP is lacking funds to maintain our facilities. So to be able to carry on effectively still, the administration is seeking means to fill the inadequacies of the government. And so the Department of Art Studies thought of resolving this matter by enforcing laboratory fees in their two subjects. They have their reasons which were clearly explained in the dialogue though. Being a CAL student who would also aspire for better facilities to coincide with the fast track of modernization, I recognize the points presented by DAS. I do concede that UP needs funds. But I do not agree that it must be the burden of the students to pay such fees. Fundamentally, EDUCATION is a RIGHT and NOT a PRIVILEGE. It is the responsibility of the government to fund our educational needs. So if everybody now is affected by the lack of funds because of factors such as budget cut and inaccurate prioritization of the government’s money, then as part of the premier state university, we must further our campaign for a greater state subsidy. No goal is impossible to attain through an evident unity of the parties concern. So if the government will witness how the whole UP community works towards a shared aim, GMA and her colleagues would brace themselves for that. They would absolutely be left with no other choice but to give what we are demanding. I am pretty much aware that this option is long-term. Hence, a plan with short-term objective is also at hand. As student leaders, CALSC can help DAS to market, or carry out an income-generating project. Our service will be limitless just for the welfare of the students. With these, I was not able to halt myself from reacting on what the DAS chairperson was discussing. It looked as if I wanted to flaunt, “Hey! I am right! You are wrong”. But those who know me can attest that it was just my normal projection and way of speaking, and I did not mean to appear sarcastic. Even if I obliviously offended the concerned people with the way I presented my thoughts, I don’t care. No matter what the consequences will be, I will always stand by the interests of the students.

Unsettled Still

I do not have a thesis topic yet!!! Well, I have something on my mind but it’s still not clear-cut. When I consulted my Speech 199 adviser this morning, she just asked to me read more, so I would be able to narrow down my variables. It was pretty obvious then that I am not into thesis yet.
As a member of GABRIELA-Youth, I want to study something which is related to gender, specifically about violence against women. I’m thinking about the nature of self-disclosure of a rape victim as compared to that of a rape by sexual assault victim. What’s the difference between a victim of rape and a victim of rape by sexual assault? It’s for you to find out, coz’ I won’t tell! Hahaha! Read on, dude! Anyway, I am considering this topic primarily because I would be interested to find out if there would be a difference on the levels of revelations of the two victims, knowing that both of them are sexually abused, only in different aspects. The only problem I am expecting to encounter in this study is the acquisition of respondents. I would certainly conduct case studies so I would holistically venture on the variables I set. Since my topic is quite sensitive to dwell on, ethicality with regards to the interaction with my informants will be crucial. Beyond these, everything else would absolutely be under my control.

Facing Great Fear

I admire great debaters. As a child, I was fond of watching debate tournaments aired on television. I really marveled at the debaters’ insolence and intelligence. They appeared gods to me for they can justify their sides so well. This made me realize that I would love to be like them someday. But I was not given a chance. The schools I attended before college did not give premium on debate. Perhaps I was able to develop my skills in speaking…but only in form (fluency, diction, etc.). I was not able to improve my ability in critical thinking, which is very significant in debate.
Now, I am a graduating Speech Communication student. My degree actually has a venue for me to become what I envisaged of. But I was afraid to start. I was thinking that good debaters are only those who have been formally engaged in debate tournaments since elementary or high school, at least. In this case, I must just satisfy myself as a spectator in a debate, and not as the debater. I accepted the idea that I couldn’t be a good debater since I don’t have any experience…
I was offered to join a debate competition last year but I did not grab the opportunity. I was scared…I was easily intimidated. But I promised myself that I would join a competition after taking Speech 133 (Debate and Argumentation). And so I took the course during the first semester of the last academic year. But I didn’t feel any enhancement. I felt that nothing was refurbished. So I accepted the fact that I can definitely be a good speaker, but never a good debater… I sidetracked my attention to other things. I enjoyed the things I was doing to the point that I already forgot that I dreamt of being a debater. And so my last academic year came. I know for a fact that a debate competition will be carried out sooner or later, but I did not care. I was so engrossed with the matters I’ve engaged myself to, until 5 days ago. I was offered again to join the open debate tournament. I immediately turned the proposal down. I was thinking that I have more important things to attend to. But my orgmate was soooo persistent in convincing me to join. Every time he sees me, he persuades me. He even texted me for various times just to appeal to my emotions. He was really importunate. Perhaps he knows that deep inside, no matter how many times I decline, I really want to join. So about an hour ago, when he requested me to join the competition, I finally said yes. I have accepted the burden. At last, I will be facing my fear. When I contemplated on what happened, I realized that I agreed to join because I am really aspiring to become a debater. I am now in my last year as a college student. If not now, then when will be the next chance?

daunting six-letter word

I am so excited to finish BA Speech Communication!!! Well, I admit I don’t have definite post-graduation plans yet. I’m still not sure if I will proceed to a law school, take M.A., or work right after graduation. I’m even considering to be a bum for quite some time after torturing myself for being a consistent ‘good’ student (ahem!) for 17 years! Hahaha! But one thing’s for sure…I am determined to graduate on time. I have 15 units of load this semester and 6 more units for my next and last semester. I’m still hanging on to finish my degree as Cum Laude. I must say I’ve been productive during my college days, especially in the last three terms. I’ve mingled with different types of people. I’ve showcased my skills effectively. I’ve been politically aware. I’ve overcome my fears. I’ve joined several mobilizations. I’ve been happy, gloomy, apprehensive, immodest, assertive, timid…I’ve simply been ME!!! Satisfying Life!!! But one crucial thing that bugs me, not just these past few days, but even before I entered college, is THESIS! I heard a lot of students who weren’t able to finish their degrees for they did not accomplish their theses. This puts so much pressure on me. What if I become so relaxed that I would just take my thesis for granted? Will I still feel that I am proficient? Waah! I don‘t even have a topic to begin with!!!

Getting Started

Before, I wonder why people engage themselves in online journal writing… For me, journals or diaries are personal accounts meant to be kept for the sake of reminiscing moments or expressing one’s self in the most discreet way possible. These writings are private and are not accomplished just to be read by others. So having a journal online contradicts the principles mentioned. Right? But I have a different perspective now… With all the things happening to my life these days, I have realized that I want to be heard, not through the “typical Ran” way—loud and animated. Instead, I want to be HEARD through SILENCE. Weird… Why? It’s primarily because different people have different methods of interpreting things. That is why if you are infuriated by someone, and you cannot confront him/her personally, the best way to communicate with him/her is through letter or SMS. Through either of these, emotions will not be blatantly conveyed. A person wouldn’t have a definite idea of how a certain statement is actually imparted by the source. Hahahaha! Non-verbal communication…paralanguage that is!!!

I’ve tried constructing a definite blog account for several times already. But it seems that I just acquired quite a number of blog accounts with just two or three entries each. After the second or third item, I wouldn’t be able to progress anymore. You know ningas kugon? I was like this in all those accounts.

I didn’t like the idea of having a blog account in friendster hence, I’ve chosen various blog sites other than this. This is because of the fact that almost everybody now has a friendster account. So if I would be disclosing personal matters, why not limit other people’s access, at least???

In creating this blog, I believe that my life would be exposed…that people will be aware that I could be a live wire or a recluse at times…that the things I am considering private would have the tendency to be public (because i’ll be exposing them here…duh!). So what am I doing now?!?!?! Well, individuals always have their prerogatives. Readers would have their option whether to read my entries or not. So if you are not interested, why would you engage yourself into something? If this doesn’t draw your attention, then don’t spend some time reading it or even just glancing at every letter I typed. Who cares? It won’t be my loss, anyway. Besides, this blog is created not for other people’s satisfaction, but for my own pleasure.

I also find this account beneficial in a sense that this blog will be a great venue for people to know me better so they won’t get me wrong. AHEM! AHEM! Don’t judge me straight away because of the way I dress, speak, act, project, deal with people around me, or because of my affiliations and what I have achieved… Try, at least, to distinguish the factors beyond what you immediately see from me (i.e. emotional, intellectual, etc.). Then after, I guess, you can have your verdict…