It not just hurts. It hurts so badly that it makes me think that the wounds will not ever be healed. Fuck! Why would they let me taste triumph when they would just make it a letdown in the end? Don’t I deserve it? Am I not worthy to be a UP Law student?
I failed LAE the first time. It was last year. I can still remember how I cried just to let the disappointment pass. And moving up from that stumble was not easy. It took me a lot of guts to decide to take LAE for the second time. And so I passed it, finally. The feeling then was beyond description. I could not believe that I was just one step closer to being an Iskolar ng Bayan again from the College of Law. Just when I thought that my expertise—elocution, communication, argumentation—would bring me to what I am longing to be, I was not qualified to be a law freshman in my beloved alma mater. Another failure. Another struggle. Another planning to straighten my life up. It is just so sad to think that the university I love and highly respect is not giving me a chance to become a part of it again. It rejected me! Why? I will never know. The panelists did not like me? Maybe. But one thing is for sure. They lost a chance to acquire a good student. They think I am too idealistic? What will make our country better now? Isn’t it idealism? What makes those panelists and other professors stay in that university to teach, knowing that they are not compensated well? It is idealism. What makes the non-LAE qualifiers become BAR topnotchers? IDEALISM! How can we dream if we do not think what is ideal? So I will cut the crap. I was not given the chance to get public-service oriented education AGAIN? Then let it be. I will not grieve so much. I have already shown my frustration enough. As what they say, (1) when a door closes, a window opens, and (2) everything happens for a reason. I still have one year to decide whether I will really take up law or not.
Being a great professional is not just an effect of the school a person attended. It is primarily on the individual’s prerogative. So what does this entail? UP is not the only school. There are other universities waiting for individuals like me. So why would I stop being idealistic? Why would I stop dreaming?
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